The letter never sent

November 2012: To the guy with no balls! I know you're so busy today.. and I'm glad you were able to make your day as productive as possible like what your dad wants you to do. I'm writing cause I really wanted to tell you how I feel... Let me thank you for giving me the chance to know your family. But since yesterday, I'm feeling very sad.. I was glad to hear the truth from your parents... but I was so saddened by what I heard... I'm not against them cause theye have been nice to me during my stay, but what they say is not connected with the things you tell that makes me sad... and how things are going... You told me to do what I want to help me grow, but your parents tells me not to do it anymore... which means you're lying when you told me that? You know how I wanted to balance things in my life. I saw your ex's message telling Maane how guys like you cannot be trusted with their words. One like you tells something but do things the other way. I love you, but I can't erase the fact that I'm having doubts if I really know you... I'm still blind... that's why I wanted to know you better and better... and whatever I am discovering in you, my love for you won't affect it... I'm just scared... I usually hold into your words cause that's is mostly the foundation of our relationship... We talk more with words over email and text messages rather than being together.. That is why I'm so afraid that all your words that I'm holding on , all the things you say you will do, you won't do in real life. I remember you telling me that expectations makes a person grow. And I'm feeling that you're expecting a lot from me. I get so intimidated with the fact that you yourself wanted to show me that I'm below your family's standard. I'm not against that cause even if that's their point, they respect me and I'm happy with that and that's your family so I totally respect them too.. al their views and points in life. But the problem is, you yourself threatens me in your words that I don't expect. You are breaking and pinching a piece of my heart. I've been thinking a lot lately... How God can help me in times of this. I'm hurt... I'm not happy... Did you really fought for Mhyles? I don't wanna dig into your past, but what you are now is because of your past. I don't know what really happened, but the way you tell me things like "di ko ipagpapalit papa ko kahit kanino. Sana kayananin mo.", what do you exactly mean? I'm not even taking you away from him. It's like I have to prove something to you. I told you, i wanted to have you both. You're building me up but then shooting me down. LIke everything is a test.. like everything I do should please you... I hope I'm wrong with that. I totally want to see you happy... successful and meet your dad's expectations from you. They really love you, and being in your life hopefully it will help you grow too... I'm just here :) I love you!