Broken

5 months... It has been 5 months since I last saw you Panda...still you get to cross my mind every now and then...
Anyway, this has nothing to do with what I'm going to rant now...

No one can understand what I'm going through, but myself... What was that?

Where the hell am I going to get the pieces I'm looking for. This is way to more like a midlife crisis. I want to travel around the world... I want growth on my career... I want to get married with someone who'll accept me for what I am, for what I want , I want to make my family proud of me. But looks like I was trying too hard... ending up broken. I don't know my top priorities. I know I wanted to travel ... but it would be better if I have someone beside me to accompany me..

Who's that guy?

Yeah yeah... Don't make promises when you're happy or angry! Damn! Why do end up liking guys who don't even know what they want in life- maybe because I too doesn't know what I want in my life hahaha. I don't know how it feels to fall in love anymore. All this time, I think I never was in love with anyone else, rather I see them as an achievement... That's why I end up liking someone who rarely date me or talk to me. I'm so fond and excited with the chasing part -- me chasing them rather than them chasing me. I get easily annoyed when someone's chasing me or is very predictable with what they can do to get me.

Is really the mysteriousness of guys that makes them attractive? In my observation, girls love bad ass looking guys. They have nice guys around them but often just place them on the friend zone. As much I wanted to tell myself to rest from dating guys and focus on my family, career growth, money, and travel, still I entertain guys for dating.

Damn damn damn! I can't find the right guy. If there's no right guy, then I should settle for the one's left ...