Stupid blog! I just got back from Malaysia... I wasn't able to see him there. Not that I don't have the chance, but I don't want to, in spite the fact that I did book for Malaysia just to see him -- that was the original plan.
Kuala Lumpur is 4 hours away to Penang. Finally, everything ended. He has a new girlfriend now. Was so hard for me to find it out unexpectedly.... although he told me that by joking... thought it was just a joke but he was telling the truth that time. I almost passed out when I got to read how they exchange sweet words, their photos together where we never had one. How happy looking he was with her. All this time he was interested with someone else, that is why he keeps on telling me "I'm not yet ready"...
It was right for me to ignore him before. I know it's the right move. He never loved me or cared for me from the start. He really just want the "S" thing from me.
I don't wanna get mad anymore. I've had enough. Still,what happened between us makes me sad whenever it crosses my mind. But as my ex have told me before.. acceptance will bring me peace. I should learn to accept that some things are really not meant for me.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
I'm still a creep and a weirdo
Yeah... I thought that I will no longer write on this blog. I thought I'm finally over him... As stupid as it may seem... I still am not! He texted me when he visited Philippines. He was asking me the stupid question if who am I dating now... but have not given him the chance to see me, though he did not really ask me to go out with him.
I thought that 2 months is enough to forget him and finally forget everything that he has done to me. That the longer that I haven't talk to him, ignore him, he will finally realize what have he done wrong. No, he did not realize anything. He has no idea that he did something wrong... or maybe he knows but there was too many pride in him to admit it.
For the past 2 months, I tried to keep myself busy by going to places I've never been, moving from one place to another, buying stuffs, reading books, pampering myself, even seeing and going out with a married man. ??? Am I out of my mind? yes! This is what heartbreak made me do.
I said I don't need a guy like him in my life. But it was never my intention to fell in love with him even if he doesn't deserve everything. I still care. He doesn't know how hard it was for me to ignore him and don't reply on his text, or block him on my facebook account. It was so hard for me to give him the space that I thought he needs. Ha! I still want him... Every time he texts me , I know I still can feel that I'm glad he remembered. As much as I wanted to reply, I know it was better not to. He doesn't know that... He thinks I did not care at all... He will never understand. Mamatay na ako pero mukang kahit kelan hindi niya malalaman kung gaano kahirap sa part ko.
Am I alone in this world feeling like this? Just wondering if someone else feels the same way for him. I wonder if he treated someone like this before...
Now he even doubt what I feel. He doesn't believe na gusto ko parin ang taong binabastos ako. That's the hardest part of loving. I don't care for myself at all. Haaay.... Weirdo talaga ko!
I thought that 2 months is enough to forget him and finally forget everything that he has done to me. That the longer that I haven't talk to him, ignore him, he will finally realize what have he done wrong. No, he did not realize anything. He has no idea that he did something wrong... or maybe he knows but there was too many pride in him to admit it.
For the past 2 months, I tried to keep myself busy by going to places I've never been, moving from one place to another, buying stuffs, reading books, pampering myself, even seeing and going out with a married man. ??? Am I out of my mind? yes! This is what heartbreak made me do.
I said I don't need a guy like him in my life. But it was never my intention to fell in love with him even if he doesn't deserve everything. I still care. He doesn't know how hard it was for me to ignore him and don't reply on his text, or block him on my facebook account. It was so hard for me to give him the space that I thought he needs. Ha! I still want him... Every time he texts me , I know I still can feel that I'm glad he remembered. As much as I wanted to reply, I know it was better not to. He doesn't know that... He thinks I did not care at all... He will never understand. Mamatay na ako pero mukang kahit kelan hindi niya malalaman kung gaano kahirap sa part ko.
Am I alone in this world feeling like this? Just wondering if someone else feels the same way for him. I wonder if he treated someone like this before...
Now he even doubt what I feel. He doesn't believe na gusto ko parin ang taong binabastos ako. That's the hardest part of loving. I don't care for myself at all. Haaay.... Weirdo talaga ko!
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