Leaving on a Jet Plane

"Don't worry, about a thing, Coz' every little thing is gonna be alright. " .... This is the song I wanted to play in my mind again and again. But for now, I feel like I have a big sign in my face that says "Born to get heartaches" that everything is not going to be alright at all.

Why do end up attracting dangerous type of men.   I know I have done a lot of mistakes in the past but it should not mean that I have to suffer like this. I took the step of deciding to finally leave him, ignore him and get him out of my mind, but I end up at the same situation of him getting me back again in his life. I've been stuck in the same situation for 3 months. Is he really the one who needs me now? Or am I am the one needing him badly that I can't resist him. Now the worst thing about it is that he's going to leave the country soon .... What on earth?!! I should have forgotten him a long time. Now I only have 1 month to prepare myself. Everything will be different  in a few months. Maybe just maybe God is making a way to help me forget him, that is cutting the chances of meeting with him. 

But then, in spite of it all, I am torn between two things that should be done - spend a good, happy and memorable time with him or hate him, ignore him and despise him so that if he'll leave soon, I can say "buti nalang wala na siya!!". These two things were my mind and heart fighting. My mind says that maybe it's much easier for me to let him go if I already hate him... But my heart tells me that maybe at least I can enjoy the few moments he's here. What to do? I don't know exactly! T_T

A Rat with Conscience

This is a cruel world. I have positively found out that in no doubt I am with an emotionally unavailable Man. Have already read this one article that contains the checklist how to determine if you're with an EUM. At first, I ignored it. But now, I cannot take how he verbally and emotionally abused me .

In this article-EUM, he crossed out a lot on the list.

Positively:

1. He’s recently separated
2. You’re not sure when you’ll hear from the next, even though you’ve been dating them for a while.
3. He shares a bed with a woman that he claims is his friend.
4. He admits that he is dating multiple women continuously.
5. He’s openly not over his ex.
6. He doesn’t call when he’s supposed to. Ever.
7. He’s one big walking excuse.
8. You feel empty after you sleep with him.
9. He has a stringent routine that he just won’t deviate from – sometimes a sign that he has someone else.
10. He talks about his problems, his successes, his life – it’s me, me, me all the way.
11. He never refers to you as a girlfriend, partner or any form of significant other.
12.There are pockets of time when he seems to just disappear, and then he resurfaces with little or no explanation.
13. It feels like he blows hot and cold.
14. He’s quick out the gate in pursuing you, gets your attention, and then goes into a slow canter. 
15. He actually says ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’, but is still with you.
16. He can’t commit to anything, no matter how miniscule. Everything that he’s asked, such as whether he can do something with you is a big drama to get him to say yay or nay.
17. Hes got about as much emotion in him as a stone.
18. You meet up when he wants to meet up.

I don't know who's meaner, a guy who has no conscience and shows he's bad behavior right in front of your face or a man with conscience, treating you good for sometime , showing you exactly what you want him to show you but for some unknown issues he has in life, he kept you hanging.... He's a rat with conscience!

 I wanted to help him so bad! Even if it looks like he doesn't need my help.  Haven't talk to him for 2 weeks...  but last night, he was so drunk he kept calling and texting me.. Sobrang hindi ko na matagalan at maglolowbat ang phone ko! So this morning, to my pity, I answered his call.  There it goes... he told me not to leave him clueless. He really cannot figure out by himself what the real problem is.  If he's not into me and he thinks that there is no future with us, he should stop annoying me! And let me move on!  But I am always stuck by the thought of "What if"... He really has his own ways of getting me back into his life, no matter how many times I keep telling myself to leave him alone. 

Overdrive

Within 2 weeks, songs of mid to late 90's OPM were playing all around me-aside from the fact that I have it on my playlist. Have heard it in the office (my officemate playing it out loud on his speaker), played on the bus, went to La Union and the bands were playing Eheads and Rivermaya songs, then early this morning, the FX's playlist as well. Very nostalgic, reminds me of my elementary days.

Have anyone had the feeling of driving on a road surrounded by trees with the Eheads songs playing on the background? This is exactly what I feel whenever I hear their songs playing.

Just about 2 months ago, I was in the exact moment where an Eheads song plays while I was driving the roads of Tagaytay. Everything seems perfect because on my passenger seat is the guy I like- and he loves Eraserheads too.

My life is like what I am when driving. I am in charge of the wheel. It's me who's going to decide where to go. Sometimes it may take time before I finally get to where I want, but I just have to be patient. But like my driving, I'll be the one deciding as well who am I going to allow to ride with me. Who'll be in and out of my life. They can either be a help to get me through my destination or a one big burden along the way. There maybe bumps on the roads , but they are still part of my journey.

But wherever may I go, how long may it take, or I may never get to my desired destination as I planned, I may take a tons of u-turns ... I'll just have to enjoy the ride while I'm on it. If only I can always enjoy the ride with him... I'll do for sure... But it can't be done.... Because he won't let me.

I want a Man not a Boy

Some boys are childish! Girls, do agree with me - we mature faster than them. I'm just 24 years old but I have been dating a lot of guys from different ages. But they were all the same... The way they think, act and the way they set their priorities in life. Some don't even know how to grow up.  They're fond of boasting the number of girls they dated. They're fond on having fun all the time but then getting into trouble and often starts a physical fight when someone breaks their ego. 

Let's site an example. There's this guy who's already married and has 2 lovely kids. He made his move on me! (He's just one of those 3-4 married guy who did the same. I don't know what's wrong with me, I even thought of myself as an "attached man magnet" @-@) ... Anyway, as I was saying, this guy asked me out for dinner. Maybe it's my mistake to give him a favor (libre naman eh ...hehe). But then after that, everything is different. He always texted me, call me.... OMG! You're married, what the hell are you doing? Valentine's day, he asked me out because he doesn't know where to go. (Forgot to mention that his wife is in US right now) . Pissed off, I told him that Valentine's Day is not just for couples. He should spend time with his 2 kids instead and celebrate it with them rather than fantasizing on me wearing a f*cking red dress on a candlelit dinner with him. They're never contented with what they have. 

This reminds me of a cartoon story "Peter Pan" ... Where the boy never grows up. Maybe because girls are all "Wendy". They're always there to take care of this boys who can't grow up.  They needed a Wendy in their life for them to survive. 

Bibingkinitan - Poor man's food

A girl like me will go out of her way just to see the guy he likes so much even if obviously this guy is just using her. (Even if he told for the nth time that he is not using me! But his actions are showing otherwise!)

Last night , I told on my previous blog that I am going to bring him something. Thought of bringing him a crema de fruta but the store has ran out of it. There by then at the corner of my eye, I saw one of my ex's favorite. Hahaha so stupid of me to think they're the same.

Arrived at his tiny room where I offered him the food. Nilait lang ... "Ano ba  yan? Poor man's food"... I came to an ultimate shock as I wasn't expecting such a comment from him . Boy's will never know how to appreciate such effort and kindness.

SG with a cup of cough and colds

20 mins left before leaving this office and finally see him. What's with the cough and colds? I'm going to meet this guy I've been "dating" - don't even know if he even consider it a date! F* him! Because he just got back from Singapore now he's with cough and colds. And here I am, pity girl who always put guys whom she likes so much in top of her priority and schedule. And all this time, this guy thinks this girl who cares a lot to him is just a crazy bitch. Pfft...

Now, before leaving, I am thinking what to bring him. (Do I really need to bring him something?) ... Naah... Yes? uh... of course, I am the girl who cares a lot for him so I should bring him something as to my other motive of impressing him. Oh well.. I hope everything will work out fine. I don't expect that much. A little "Thank You" will do!